"Clarity affords focus"
- Thomas Leonard
Sounds so simple really, with everything crystal clear we will be able to focus. I have realised now after a life of learning that gaining clarity is very difficult. I love the saying that there is the life we learn with and the one we live with. I believe it too, I just don't think it is quite that simple.
I sit here today a successful physician, father of beautiful healthy daughters and husband to a beautiful wife with an amazing and very old soul. I have had the fortune of education and the tools to succeed. More than that I have had the fortune of being clothed, fed and never wanting for anything in my life. There are currently over 16million American children living in poverty, think about that. Over the last few years I have been privileged to compete in some of the most incredible Ultra events on the planet and give back as able through charitable efforts. Success, success, success. Yet inside of me breeds a powerful fear of failure, yes that is true. For me it is a product of difficult and ongoing personal (mostly family) struggles from childhood, not unique to many others really. I have spent the majority of my life as a people pleaser, why not I love the people I love very much. I have also spent much of the past few years disappointed in the world around me, silly really. Yes there is lots of hardship and badness in the world but so much beauty as well. You can react and withdraw from the badness, critique it or you can work to change it.
People often ask me, what is failure. Well that is up to you. Personally, I think we allow physical limitations to much power over our potential successes. With every bit of suffering comes growth but you have to suffer to grow, a bit sadistic maybe but I believe it. As my good buddy Ray says "It is 90% mental and the rest is all in your head". One thing I have learned over the past years is that mental can outlast physical every time but it is has to be afforded the power and belief to do so. I personally have never DNF'd a race, does that make me awesome, not really. For myself, it is at least proof that I refuse to give in to physical limitations within reason. Yes, it led to some slower more difficult finishes but I sit here stronger for it. My childhood was a series of "great, now do better". A lot of resentment gets built up in relationships like that, one of the many reasons I strive to be a better listener and understanding supporter of my own children.
Bottom line, life is difficult for everyone on their own level. Why do I run, what am I running from or to....something for sure. As an Ultrarunner, I know the demons that abound: difficult childhood, addictions of all kinds, personal and family struggles with cancer, prior obesity, past relationships (maybe a combination of several). The point is, we have all been there or are there and are trying to get somewhere else wherever that is. We need to step out of our "story" as e would say and find out who we really are and what we are truly capable of. There is no one else that can do that for you than yourself, it is "your story" after all. Lucky for me mine involves an amazing Yogi who has taught me many life lessons. We can use our past as a crutch or as a building block. I for one am standing on a block with one crutch in hand but trying to get rid of it.
What I know for sure is I am surrounded by an amazing group of core people and family who have all done remarkable things in their life. I seek inspiration from all kinds of sources and hope to provide some of my own along the way. We are all capable of greatness and can all act to "be the change" if we so choose. I am working very hard to learn from that old life and live this new life because it is pretty awesome. Just trying to look into the well, smile a little more and gain some clarity :)
